Where the Bugs Are (with apologies to Connie Francis)

​​​​​​​​​Several weeks ago I helped a friend in Millican, just south of College Station, clear out a huge wall of logs that had been rotting on his family’s land for decades. I’m talking about the kind of pile that crumbles to powder with one kick, so it’s tons of fun provided no snakes are hiding underneath. Which there weren’t, thank heavens.

There were, however, armies of roaches as big as your thumb. After the first kick, they erupted from the debris, scattering in all directions. They seemed especially partial to my pant leg. The screaming lasted for hours.

​The following week, David Jones, my boss, evidently thinking that little episode hadn’t given me enough sleepless nights, sent me Thumbtack’s blog post about the ten "buggiest" cities in the country​.

Thanks, David.

Millican didn’t make the list, but a surprising — no, make that alarming — number of other Texas cities did, including San Antonio at number two.​​ Houston came in fourth, Austin fifth and Dallas seventh.

Thumbtack built its pest index by looking at 159 of the largest U.S. metros and measuring the number of requests for pest-removal services relative to each metro’s population. Services included bedbug extermination, outdoor pesticide application and termite inspections.

Digging deeper into Thumbtack’s blog, I saw that they also figured out where the least buggy areas are. Not only did a Texas city make that list, but it landed at the top. Any guesses? David said Lubbock because of its dry climate.

Actually, it’s El Paso, a city I’m seriously considering moving to now. El Paso is famously arid, so David’s logic was sound. Or was it?

Phoenix topped the list of buggiest cities, and the weather there is about as dry as you’ll find. Of course, I’d guess their pest control problems have less to do with roaches and more to do with tarantulas​ and scorpions.

It’s enough to make your skin crawl.