Case of the Gobbled Goldfish

I’ve had a small pond outside my bedroom window for almost 20 years. At night my wife and I dozed off to the sound of babbling waters cascading down the waterfall. In the daytime, we watched through the French doors as the goldfish swam in the pond shaded by the overhanging banana trees.

Generations of goldfish raised families in my pond. Our children grew up watching and feeding the fish.

When we left for vacation one summer, there were 30 goldfish in our pond. When we returned two weeks later, there was one. This was a mystery I was determined to solve.

Thanks to the training I’ve received watching episodes of CSI  on TV, I knew what clues to look for. In the cracks of the deck surrounding the pond, I found disturbing forensic evidence — fins, tails, and other fishy parts. I did not need DNA analysis to realize this case was more than mere poaching. This was catch-and-don’t-release on a grand scale (no pun intended).

Obviously I could not restock the pond with the perpetrator still on the loose. The first break in the case came when I noticed my neighbor’s cat sitting on a rock at the edge of the pond, eyeing the lone surviving goldfish.

The list of suspects grew to two, however, when I heard a noise on the deck one night and looked outside to see a raccoon prowling the crime scene. This had to be the culprit. After all, he was wearing a mask. And the last fish was gone.

I borrowed a trap and baited it with gourmet chicken-pasta-cranberry salad leftovers. It did not take long to nab a possible “perp,” but it wasn’t one on the list of usual suspects. My trap had nabbed a ‘possum.

The ‘possum was released on his own recognizance. I rebaited the trap. The next morning the cage held a very unhappy raccoon. He (she) was released with a suggestion that the nearby creek offered the best sushi in the neighborhood.

Over the course of the next week, I caught another raccoon — a very large one — and the neighbor’s cat. Both were released but on probation.

Many questions remain about what to do with a water feature that attracts all manner of unwanted predators. (I never did tell my wife about the snake skin I found there.)

My first thought was to restock the pond with fish and buy a dog to guard it. Instead, I raised water lilies in the backyard pond and bought an aquarium to enjoy fish indoors.

If you have problems with pond predators, check out the internet, where there are numerous articles and videos. They offer all kinds of solutions including heron decoys, netting, fencing, floating alligators, and rubber snakes.

If you plan to trap predators, check local and state regulations​. Because of a rabies quarantine, transporting live foxes, coyotes, and raccoons within the state is a Class C misdemeanor.